Rejected Grantland Fantasy Submission

In August held a contest to find their fantasy football writer for the 2013 season.  They asked that you submit your top five fantasy players for the season and one sleeper pick.  Sadly I was not selected and am still living at home.  I added a few new comments in bold.

The Fab/Fierce/Spicy Five

With no clear first pick or even top three, choosing your top player for the 2012 fantasy football season is like picking your favorite member of a boy band.  Your selection is more a reflection of your own personality than your football knowledge.

The Bad Boy – Lesean McCoy – The Bad Boy of the group is always making headlines for the wrong reasons, such as A.J. McCain, Jalen Rose, or Ginger Spice. McCoy was arrested this off-season for pulling a fire alarm at a hotel and is not shy to voice his opinion on twitter. McCoy is a risk.  He could finish the season number one or Andy Reid could once again forget the running game exists making Shady McCoy a non-factor.

Got this one right.  Andy chose to ignore his mustache trimmer as well as his Pro Bowl running back in 2012.  Then the Boo Birds lost nine straight, McCoy lost his marbles (concussion), and it looks like Andy will lose his job.

The Father Figure – Tom Brady – Examples would include Kevin Richardson of Back Street Boys fame, Chris Kirkpatrick of N’Sync, Juwan Howard who was the de-facto spokesman of the Fab Five, or more recently gymnast Allie Reisman. The father figure is the most consistent member of the group, typically has the lowest ceiling and is defined by their hair choice; see Kirkpatrick, Brady, or Richardson.  Tom Brady has had a passer rating above 96.2 the last five seasons when healthy. He faces an easy schedule, with the exception of a week three showdown against Bernard Pollard, and is now reunited with offensive coordinator Josh McDaniels. While Tom Brady may not win you your league in 2012 he won’t lose it for you either.

Tom Brady continues to live the American dream.  Nothing to see here.

The Talent – Aaron Rodgers – The most talented individual always goes on to have the best solo career and makes the most headlines with the ladies; think Justin Timberlake, Nick Lachey, or Chris Webber.  Rodgers, the reigning MVP, is no exception. He’s been linked to reporter Erin Andrews, model Julie Henderson, singer Hillary Scott and currently a smoke show named Destiny Newton. With a healthy team and bitter over last season Rodgers is poised for another huge season, which could lead to fantasy glory.

Aaron is still dating Destiny Newton and yes I’m getting a plus one to the wedding.

The Quirky One – Arian Foster – Quirky members always have you on the edge of your seat cause you’re unsure of what they will do next, like Joey Fatone or Scary Spice who bizarrely had a baby with Eddie Murphy. Arian Foster is from the same mold. He enjoys poetry, has become a vegan and is an avid golfer. Despite his eccentricities Foster is a load at the RB position. With a healthy Matt Schaub and Andre Johnson Arian Foster could be in for another 1,000-yard season.

An example of Arian waxing poetic, We should strive to live like the moon. Vibrant, not as our own light, but as the carriers of something greater than us.

The Forgotten Member – Ray Rice – The fifth member of any group is the member who you most often forget or take the longest to remember their name, like Ray Jackson, Kyla Ross or the goatee guy from 98 Degrees, who last made news when he was arrested at Occupy Cincinnati. Despite putting up Pro Bowl numbers Rice is the forgotten man because he plays on a team known for its defense.  Ray Rice, still only 25, has gone over the 1000-yard mark each of the last three seasons and is a much bigger receiving threat than given credit for.

Rice has churned out another 1,000 yard year and sadly Justin Jeffre’s youtube video of his arrest still sits at 534 views.

Sleeper (That might not wake up) Josh Freeman – I come from a man’s league, a two-quarterback league, and if you grab that second quarterback on the cheap you can punch your ticket to the playoffs. This coming season, Josh’s fourth in the league, he once again is facing a last place schedule that includes 13 games against teams in the bottom half of passing touchdowns allowed and 14 games against defenses that yielded an opposing passer rating of 83 or better. Additionally Freeman will be working with new offensive coordinator Mike Sullivan, who spent the last two seasons as the Giants quarterback coach, during which time Eli Manning threw for a career high in touchdowns and set a franchise record for passing yards in a season. Freeman spent this off-season dropping 20 pounds and entering camp with a trimmer more professional haircut.  The Buccaneers were busy this off-season too, adding wide receiver diva Vincent Jackson, rookie running back Doug Martin and All-Pro guard Carl Nicks. Finally, unlike most popular sleeper picks, Freeman has a history of success as evidenced by his 2010 season and improving accuracy, which was 63% last season despite the interception issues. If the Buccaneers last place defense improves to average Freeman will be less prone to press and could be in for a huge bounce back year.

85.7 QB rating and still in the playoff hunt.  Yea Josh bounced back pretty nicely.  Unfortunately I didn’t listen to my own advice and as a result I’m in the toilet bowl instead of the playoffs. 


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