At approximately 10:03 PM EST MTV unleashed its latest reality television creation on the world, Buckwild. One part Jersey Shore, one part Laguna Beach, 2 parts Deliverance, a dash of Springer and we were on our way.
When I saw the trailer for the first time months ago I squealed with excitement the same way a 12 year old girl does the first time she experiences Bieber fever. Then I read that West Virginia Senator Joe Manchin sent a letter of objection to MTV about the upcoming reality show. They were following the Jersey Shore playbook to the T. How could this go wrong?
So on Thursday I sat myself in front of the TV and watched prepared for anything. After an hour of Bud Light slurping and hollering I got up feeling just below satisfied with MTV’s highly anticipated show.
I thought maybe I’ve matured and I don’t find this amusing anymore. Then I realized I had laughed uncontrollably last Monday when I saw someone drink beer out of a creamer shaped as a cow. So it’s not a maturity issue.
I sat and continued to ponder why I felt like I was missing something and came to the following conclusion. I had no connection to this backwoods West Virginian archetype, and maybe why I felt such a bond with the Jersey Shore cast was because I recognized that stereotype MTV was putting on television. The Guido/Guidette is our East Coast equivalent of the backwoods hick. I felt pleased with my conclusion.
However, I am a lifelong MTV fan having grown up on Yo MTV Raps, Remote Control, and Aeon Flux so I gave myself a day and went back for round two of Buckwild. And after watching it again I have to say I came away much happier, almost the same way I did after seeing Anchorman or Step Brothers the second time. Movies that after one viewing I kind of hated, but after watching again and again have gotten so much better with age. The exception being Semi-Pro, that movie still sucks.
After breaking down the show like I’m Nick Saban preparing for the BCS title game, here are my thoughts.
I spy waaaay too short jorts, open containers, cowboy boots, underage drinking, bad decisions, tie dye, a native american sticker, and a tarp for a tailgate.
I spy an eviction notice, a mini dress at 2 PM, more beer, jeans with cargo pockets, a lawsuit, what was a potato gun, hay bales, a torch, and wind chimes.
I spy a raw bar (I wonder how the shellfish is), Karaoke Wednesdays, Toothless Ruth Live Thursdays 4-6, Wednesday ladies night, happy hour 2-6, $ 1.50 beers, Coors Light flags, and a future crime scene.
Tattoo Count: 8
Stray Dog Count: 4
People I’d Like to Know More About
Blue Foot (More specifically where the name came from)
Willy (The ginger farmer that pulls them out of the mud on his tractor)
Uncle Charlie (Lives on Wolfpen)
Sneedy (Also a home owner on Wolfpen)
Trey (The dirt mover)
Shain: We’ve got squirrel here. Freshly killed this year.
I’m undecided if I’m more concerned with the squirrel meat part or announcing it was killed this year.
Joey: Shain buttered his mudder.
Joey: Me, Shain, and Tyler we’re all trying to get at Cara. Hopefully I get to it first. If I don’t, I don’t care as long as I get to it period.
Joey did you miss sex ed? This is how STDs are spread.
Shain: I don’t have a phone. I don’t have a facebook. I don’t have none of that internet stuff.
So you’re trying to tell me you get through the day without Instagram, Twitter, or Urbanspoon?
Tyler: What I like about Cara is her style and she has a brain on her shoulders.
What Tyler means to say is he’s pleased she doesn’t like to wear a bra and that she can string together a multiple sentences.
Cara: It’s the same thing I told you this morning. We’re pushing three days of BFF cuddly stuff.
At this point in time it sounds like Cara and Tyler have not done the ultimate.
Shain: I’ve swam in this power plant water maybe 50 times. Only been sick twice. You can practically drink this shit.
Shain is not a fan of Erin Brockovich or Julia Roberts.
Cara: (To Tyler) You can be my puppy baby daddy.
Cara’s opening salvo to arrange coitus with Tyler.
Katie: Why is Willy Wonka here?
I can say with the utmost confidence that Katie has not seen Gene Wilder’s classic performance.
Chinstrap the Peacemaker
Dump Truck Swimming Pool
This scene was clearly staged, which was somewhat bothersome. Having said that the water did look inviting and the mattresses on the bottom were a stroke of genius.
What will keep guys hooked. The SALWA
How Stripping Becomes a Career
“Who’s giving me a hundred bucks,” says a topless Salwa. I look forward to your September 2013 Playboy spread.
The Daily Puppy Candidate
When I saw this scene my first thought was, why has Preston not been featured in the Daily Puppy. My second thought was Cara is probably not internet savvy enough to know the Daily Puppy. My third thought was why am I this concerned with the Daily Puppy.
Let me set the back story up first. Cara and Tyler are ready to perform sex. The others have all gone out expect Katie who is in the next room over. She hears what she calls, “monkey sex,” coming from the room Cara and Tyler were in. The rub is they performed the sex in roommate Anna’s bed. So I pose the following question, why don’t we have a phrase for hooking up in a friend’s bed? My initial suggestions are pioneering, bed squatting, loitering, and Temperpedic fluid exchange.