Winter Television Lineup


The Gallagher clan

Winter is coming in the spring, Will McAvoy and the rest of the Newsroom 2.0 crew are on break for a few more months in order to make sure their moral compass is centered, and American Idol is booting back up with a new cast again save for Randy Jackson, who at this point can only be described as the cockroach of reality television judges.  The employees at Dunder Mifflin, Scranton are continuing their death march to their finale, while Carrie Mathison rests for a beat to think of new ways to look like a complete and utter lunatic.

However there is still plenty of good television starting back up this month.  HBO’s Girls returns, Chris Harrison will help another individual find true love, and MTV has let loose nine fresh faces to terrorize a rural West Virginia town, which I described in embarrassingly great detail here.  So if you’re bored with the Sweet Genius, and are looking for something new to watch check out the returning and new shows below that I’ve highlighted.

Your ingredient Fruity Pebbles, your inspiration mortgage backed securities.

Shameless (January 13th)

Watch Shameless and in the span of an hour you likely to laugh, cry, and want to kick your television after watching Frank Gallagher, played by William H. Macy, take another credit card out in one of his kids’ names digging them an even deeper hole to get out of.  The show follows a South Side Chicago poverty ridden family, which is held together by the eldest daughter Fiona Gallagher, who gives it her best effort to get each of her siblings out of the squalor that they reside in.

I’m not sure I’ve ever encountered a show that can put someone through the emotional ringer the way Shameless does.  When my roommates and I nutted up last year and got Showtime, originally to watch Homeland, we binge watched the first season and a half of Shameless in the span of 3 days.  After catching up to the second season, my one roommate had to bail on the show because he was too drained emotionally to watch it anymore.  While that doesn’t sound like a ringing endorsement this is currently my favorite show on television.

The Bachelor (January 7th)

Sean Lowe returns this season as the bachelor looking for “the one,” after Emily Maynard played a rousing game of Jai Alai with his heart on last season’s Bachelorette.  To make this season more interesting I’ve joined a Bachelor Pool much to the dismay of many of my friends.  Something has to make this season interesting though after it has come out that Sean is a born again virgin and doesn’t consummate any of his relationships this season.  It’s selfish behavior if you ask me.

In order to predict a winner I’ve broken down the list of candidates using The Bachelor equivalent of sabermetrics.  After Sean’s scaring experience with Emily I’m guessing he’s going go in the exact opposite direction of her.

26 Contestants

23 have a college degree. (Emily does not)

Of the 23 with degrees 11 are dog owners. (Emily dressed up her cats)

Of the 11 dog owners with degrees 4 don’t have tattoos.  (Emily has two)

Of the final 4 Kristy is the only brunette.  (Emily is a blond, duh)

I’m going ride or die with Kristy.

And now I will light myself on fire after putting that much thought into The Bachelor.

Deception (January 7th)

Megan Good plays a detective that is sent undercover to investigate the murder of a socialite she was once childhood friends with.  Starring in the NBC drama are Laz Alonso, of Jumping the Broom fame, Marissa Cooper’s dad from the OC, a couple people that have undoubtedly appeared in a Law & Order episode, and this guy who was the shipbuilder in Titanic.  My expectations for this show are low.

Stars In Danger:  The High Dive (January 9th)

The alternate name of this show is, D List Celebrities That Need Money:  The High Dive.  I’m going list the cast and then lets play a game.

Kim Richards (Real Housewives of Beverly Hills)

Kyle Richards (Real Housewives of Beverly Hills)

JWOWW (Jersey Shore)

Terrell Owens (Ex-NFL player and currently still an asshole)

Antonio Sabato Jr.  (Soap actor)

Alexandra Paul (Boy cut brunette from Baywatch you didn’t care to see in slo-mo)

David Chokachi  (Cody from Baywatch and Bates College alum.  Go Bobkittens)

Bethany Hamilton (Surfer who was attacked by a shark)

Now here is the game, I’m going list the celebrities net worth and you have to match it to the celebrity.  Unfortunately both Baywatch cast members didn’t qualify.

20 Million

1 Million

3.5 Million

1.5 Million

1.8 Million

0

Answers are at the bottom

Banshee (January 11th)

I’m still confused as to what this show is about exactly that is soon to start on Cinemax.  I was initially intrigued, then I learned it was from the creators of True Blood.  That show with vampires, shape shifters, angels, witches, fairies, PEDs, and telepathy.  Pass.

BuckWild (January 3rd)

I’m going be covering this each week.  Again for the first recap click here.

Second Generation Wayans (January 15th)

Premiering on BET this month the title says all you need to know.  It’s a scripted television show starting two second generation Wayans kids, Damien Dante Wayans and Craig Wayans, trying to make it in Hollywood.  The cast also features Tatyana Ali, who you might remember as Ashley from Fresh Prince.  I’m not sure why I would need to sell you on this, but here is a Wayans family tree and and a clip from In Living Color.  On a separate note if someone could do an oral history of In Living Color that would be awesome.

Girls (January 13th)

The overly debated shows starts up again for a second season next Sunday.  I’ve heard the complaints all year about the first season, how it’s from too specific of a viewpoint, that it isn’t about truly Brooklyn, and that none of the characters seem real.  Being from the east coast I certainly feel like I know people that have parts of these characters in them.  However  I can see the other viewpoint at times, like when Marnie goes into heat after the guy from Lonely Island talks dirty to her.  But if the show was too realistic there would be no show.  It would be a half hour of roommates complaining about work and sitting on Facebook.  Nobody wants to watch that.  Anyway I’m all in on season two.

The Following (January 16th)

Kevin Bacon’s plunge into television looks like a good one.  It’s about time by the way for Mr. Bacon to make a television show.  Kevin certainly isn’t the first movie actor to make the foray into telelvision, see Christian Slater and Keifer Sutherland, and he certainly won’t be the last, Aaron Eckhart I’m looking at you.  Bacon is an ex FED brought back to track down an escaped serial killer (James Purefoy) who is enlisting an army of serial killers.  To make things stranger Bacon’s character has had a relationship with Purefoy’s ex-wife.  The trailer got me hooked.  My only concern though is what do you do after the first season.  If a serial killer was running amok for years this country would go absolutely bananas.  The show could be a great one hit wonder though like Homeland or Undeclared.

The Americans (January 30th)

The Americans stars Keri Russell, of Felicity fame, and Matthew Rhys, from Brothers & Sisters, a series I have watched in its entirety.  I realize as a male that is indefensible, but it’s been a couple days since I’ve over shared and embarrassed myself, so I’ve fulfilled that quota for the next week.

Anyway Russell and Rhys play two KGB spies sent to the US to gather intelligence during the 80’s.  That means we could have scenes such as Russell making a dossier drop at an Eddie Money concert or Rhys attending a cocktail party with his dinner jacket sleeves rolled up Sonny Crockett style.  The 80’s ruled.

Community (February 7th)

Excited that it is coming back.  Not excited that the creator, Dan Harmon, was fired by NBC.  Probably the final run for the show.  I’ll be sad to see it go, cause that will mean moments like these won’t be possible anymore.

Real Husbands of Hollywood (January 15th)

Last but maybe my favorite, another BET show that is a sketch show parodying the Real Housewives/Basketball Wives franchise.  It stars Nick Cannon, Kevin Hart, JB Smoove, Robin Thicke, Bobby Brown, Nelly, and Faizon Love.  After giving Hart and Cannon a pass on Wild N Out I can’t think of one rational reason not to watch this.

Answers to celebrity net worth game (in order)

Kyle Richards, Kim Richards, Antonio Sabato, Bethany Hamilton, JWOWW, Terrell Owens

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