NBA Jam Revisited


Being in the midst of All-Star Weekend I thought it would be appropriate to write about one of the video games of my youth, NBA Jam.  So I did the usual Googling and Youtubing to see what I could find.  One video I came across was a game between Bulls players, Scottie Pippen and B.J. Armstrong against Bill and Hilary Clinton.  I managed to watch the nearly 10 minute video, because I don’t have much going on most Friday nights, and started to remember all the other hidden characters and tandems that you could play with in NBA Jam.

There were random athletes like Frank Thomas and Warren Moon.  The actual video game developers.  George Clinton was available even though I’m 99% sure he doesn’t know what basketball is or even cares to know since it isn’t part of cosmic funkadelic. The Fresh Prince was in there along with rappers Adam Yauch and Heavy D.

The recent iterations of NBA Jam have included our current presidential duo of Obama and Biden, television personalities such as Michelle Beadle and Colin Cowherd, as well as various NBA mascots.  After looking this list over I think we can do better.  Much much better.  Here are some of my suggestions and how I imagine the duos might do if entered into a tournament.

Kanye and Kim

  • Don’t have much faith in these two on the court, but I bet they woud have the best looking jerseys

Klhoe and Lamar

  • A real dark horse since the league is trending small and these two would own the paint and concession stand together

Kourtney and Scott

  • They might have some sneaky quickness, but how long is Scott going stay away from a cocktail?

Kris Jenner and Bruce Jenner

  • Would be disqualified since Kris Jenner is actually from hell, although I’d like to see Bruce’s face in 64 bit, which would be an upgrade from his current 8 bit form.

Jay-Z and Beyonce

  • They win at just about everything else.  Why not basketball?

Blue Ivy Carter and Future Kimye Baby

  • Frontrunner

Brennan Huff and Dale Doback

  • Two words, Prestige Worldwide

Tom Cruise and Xenu

  • Unclear if Scientology allows basketball but it would be fun to see a lizard king handle the rock

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie

  • I’m worried they would just begin adopting people in the stands once the game started

Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley

  • They know how to play above the rim with the whole quidditch thing

Garth Brooks and Chris Gaines

  • Garth Brooks still has not received enough shame for his alter ego

Adam and Eve

  • Playing in the nude could be an advantage cause of how distracting it would be for the opponent.  If you’ve ever checked up a sweaty shirtless guy you know what I mean.

Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele

  • Nope I’m still not mature enough to talk about these two without laughing

Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen

  • No way.  They’ve won enough.

Prince and the Revolution

  • If you’ve watched Charlie Murphy’s recount of playing Prince on the Chapelle Show you understand the intrigue.

Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee

  • If their eyes could unlock for more than a minute they might be a dark horse.

Jacob & Bella & Edward

  • Too confusing to figure this one out right now
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