Twisted Logic


In the midst of my butt-cut and uninterested in girls phase a video game burst onto the scene called Twisted Metal.  It was released on Playstation in 1995 and if you were one of the cool video game kids, which is an oxymoron, you had convince your parents to buy the game for you despite the “T” rating.

The game was a demolition derby competition.  It was as if the devil himself saw Mario-Kart, found it to be boring, and then re-created the game in his own image.  Each character in the game was more depraved than the last one.  There was Mr. Grimm who road around on his chopper hoping to collect as many human souls as possible.  Then there was Calypso, who was the host of these twisted games.  Calypso was Satan, but with a different name.

And of course there was Sweet Tooth, the terrifying convict who drove around in an ice cream truck with missiles strapped to it.  As for Sweet Tooth the man, he wore Joker type clown paint and had hair that was literally on fire.  Maybe the most terrifying video game character created, especially if you had been a victim of watching the movie It.  Now that I’m older I shudder to think what Sweet Tooth was locked up for if he had a proclivity for driving around town in an ice cream truck.

My friends and I played this game all the time, but looking back on it I can’t believe a game like this existed.  The goal of the game was to destroy all of the other drivers so that you could then ask Calypso, a.k.a. Satan, for whatever dream you desired. Mortal Kombat was bad.  Twisted Metal I thought took it to the next level.

I’m not saying games like this should be banned, all I’m trying to say is that I’m shocked my 12 year old self didn’t wake up each night with nightmares of clowns trying to kill me.  I’m also impressed that the game didn’t traumatize me to the point of never wanting my driver’s license.

Then again maybe Twisted Metal taught me to be a more cautious driver.  I mean you never know when you are going pull out of the Chipotle parking lot and have a PT Cruiser spraying bullets at you.

 

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