A golf caddy has many duties that include being the golf bag Sherpa, raking the bunkers, and tending the pin. But, for caddies that carry for PGA golfers their duties are expanded a bit more. They act as a human PEZ dispenser of sorts giving advice to their golfer when needed. And on some occasions the caddy may be asked to cover for their boss’ night life activities. Too soon?
So with that in mind I decided to come up with a list of fictional characters who I believe would be the best real life caddies.
Romeo Posar showed incredible patience throughout Tin Cup. Romeo squeezed all of the remaining talent out of Roy McAvoy and was able to keep Roy’s ego in check for 71 of the 72 holes at the US Open. Romes is well traveled and is able to continually provide sage advice to Roy such as, “Look, boss, I only got one rule. And that’s never bet money that you don’t have on a dog race with an ex-girlfriend who happens to be a stripper.”
Wonka is mysterious. Wonka is successful. Wonka already owns the goofy white guy golfing attire. But maybe his most important trait is that Wonka is one creepy dude. There is no way Wonka would have trouble getting in the mind of your opponent on the golf course. With that said he may be better used as a caddy for match play.
Joel Goodsen doesn’t have any relevant golf experience that I am aware of, but what Joel does have is panache. Joel is going do a good job keeping his golfer loose, cause sometimes a well placed joke can have a greater effect than the correct club selection. Plus you know whether you shoot an 85 or a 66 you are going have a good time with Joel at the bar after the round is over.
Professor Xavier has the ability of mind control. Feeling stressed out about your tee shot on 15? No problem, Professor X is there to calm your mind. The mutant can also move things with his mind, so if you shank that 3 wood on the dogleg left at Doral you can rest assured that your shot will still come to rest safely in the fairway. Is that cheating, maybe, but it may have also just been a fortuitous breeze. Who’s to say? The biggest advantage of having Xavier as your caddy though, and this might just be the lazy coming out in me, but you could put in for an exemption to play with a golf cart.
He is an actual golf shaman. Bagger could be a spirit, a man, or Jesus himself for all we know. One thing we do know though is the man loves the game of golf. Who better to have in your corner than an angel or Jesus? Nobody likes to lose and I refuse to believe that is just limited to humans.
From the outset I said that one of the duties of the caddy is to be able to give you advice as it relates to golf and life. Who is better to answer that cal than the Pooh Bear? While Bagger Vance is probably able to give similarly great anecdotes you also run the risk of him judging you for your decisions in life, and he also comes off as a bit of a know-it-all. Pooh Bear is not judgmental and certainly is not a know-it-all. Below are some quotes attributed to Pooh that would serve you well on the golf course.
“The surest way to become Tense, Awkward, and Confused is to develop a mind that tries too hard – one that thinks too much.”
“You’d be surprised how many people violate this simple principle every day of their lives and try to fit square pegs into round holes, ignoring the clear reality that Things Are As They Are.”
“The wise know their limitations; the foolish do not.”
“The play-it-safe pessimists of the world never accomplish much of anything, because they don’t look clearly and objectively at situations, they don’t recognize or believe in their own abilities to overcome even the smallest amount of risk.”