With the Phillies season beginning to circle the toilet and my current job allowing me to explore my facial hair fantasies I decided there was no more perfect time than now for the summer of the soul patch. We already have Movember. Beards are incredibly hot and the maintenance can be time consuming. The summer months should be reserved for the soul patch.
Any Phillies fan knows that since the days of the twelve-fingered Antonio Alfonseca Chase Utley has worn the soul patch with the grace of a swan. Chase’s soul patch deserves a place in the Pantheon of the facial bathmat alongside Bruce Springsteen, Chris Gaines, and Apollo Ohno. Sadly since the Phillies dynasty has begun to crumble it has become abundantly clear that trading Chase Utley for assets of any kind is the prudent move. His contract is up at the end of this mediocre season and bringing him back to a team that is in desperate need of a reset is not the correct move to make from a business standpoint. When Chase’s time to leave Philadelphia comes, heading out of town with him will be that perfect triangle of hair that rests below his lower lip.
So to honor Chase, his midget beard, and his many Phillies accomplishments I’ve decided to grow out a soul patch of my own this summer or until the summer breeze blows through that small tuft of hair for the last time in Citizens Bank Park. I’ll endure the ridicule from friends, horrified looks from girls at the bar and honor my favorite Phillie of the last decade.
To Chase and to his soul patch