The 100% Wrong Prediction of the 2013 Eagles Season


So this is my last chance to give a prediction for the Eagles season.  As the preseason has progressed I’ve gained confidence in this Eagles team.  I’m genuinely excited for the Chip Kelly era.  His offense at Oregon was a game changer at the college level and the my hope is a year from now we’ll be saying the same thing about his offense at the NFL level.  The unpredictability of the Eagles doesn’t stop with the offense though, as Howie Roseman and the Eagles purged themselves of remaining members of the “Dream Team.”  Not only do the Eagles have 6 new starters on defense (7 if you count Trent Cole moving to LB) but they are changing the base defense from a 4-3 to a 3-4.  Considering all of the changes this team has undergone calling this a transition season is more than appropriate.  And so predicting how the Eagles will finish is a futile exercise, but a fun one none the less.

@Washington Redskins – W – RG3 and Washington are a good team, but I see this game playing out the same way a rookie pitcher can blindside an opposing line up because they have no film to study of that pitcher.  Additionally RG3 is going have some rust having not taken a single snap in the preseason.

San Diego Chargers – W – Traveling across the country is always difficult for the visiting team with the time difference and the extra travel time.  I’m also not particularly impressed with the weapons surrounding Rivers.  Outside of an aging Antonio Gates he doesn’t have much to work with, so as bad as the Eagles’ defense they should be able to stop the Chargers.

Kanas City Chiefs – W – Andy Reid’s return to Philly on the same night the Eagles will retire McNabb’s number.  I can’t see the Eagles losing this game.  The crowd will be into it and if the Eagles are 0-2 going into this game I can see projectiles being thrown onto the field.

@Denver Broncos – L – Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  The Broncos could score 100 points on the Eagles.  This is the safe bet to be the worst game of the Eagles’ season.

@New York Giants – L –  I don’t have a whole lot of respect for any of the teams in the NFC East this year, but this will be the second game of a 3 game road trip.  And as much as I’d like to say the Eagles will bounce back strongly from a Broncos loss I don’t see it happening.

@Tampa Bay Bucs – W – Losing three is a row would be bad, and I don’t think the Bucs are much better if at all than the Eagles.

Dallas Cowboys – W – As I’ve said before the NFC East might be the worst division in football.  I can see all of the teams in the division going 3-3.  Eagles are home so score it as a win.

New York Giants – W –  See above.  Eli face is shown on Fox 7 times throughout the afternoon.

@Oakland – W – Terrell Pryor is the Raiders starting quarterback.  I watched enough of him at OSU to know that he is a project at best and that his floor is somewhere between the earth’s mantle and the earth’s core.  Plus when was the last time the Raiders were any good.

@Green Bay – L – Another great quarterback, another grand shellacking.  Over under of points scored in this game should be set at 1,256.

Washington Redskins – L –  Washington gets revenge for the opening night lose on national television.  Vick gets injured and we see Nick Foles for the first time this season.

BYE WEEK

Arizona Cardinals – W – Eagles win big thanks to 3 Carson Palmer interceptions.  Foles plays above average, but not well enough to supplant Vick as the starter.  McCoy is within striking distance of 2,000 rushing yards.

Detroit Lions – L – Foles plays below average and throws a couple picks.  Meanwhile Megatron scores 4 touchdowns moon-walking into the end zone for the last one.  After the game Cary Williams informs the Eagles he’ll be out for the next two weeks filming a new show for HGTV.

@Minnesota Vikings – W – The return of Vick.  If Christian Ponder is the starting QB Eagles win by 17.  If Matt Cassel is starting the Eagles win by 21.  If Helen Mirren is starting at QB Eagles by 3.

Chicago Bears – L –  It’s been years since the Eagles beat the Bears, and last time I bet on the Eagles beating the Bears I had to wear a dress and make dinner for my ex-roommate.  Not going there again.

@Dallas Cowboys – L – The game doesn’t matter since the Eagles already have the division locked up thanks to terrible QB play from Romo, Manning and RG3.  Dallas goes home feeling empty once again and Jason Garrett is banned from the state of Texas as soon as the season is over.

Season Record: 9-7 NFC Division Winners and losers by 40 in the Wild Card round.

Of course this could all go terribly wrong and the Eagles could finish with a 5-11 record, which wouldn’t shock me at all either.

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