You’d think having a wide open dance card would encourage someone to maybe reevaluate their thoughts on dating, but that isn’t the case here on the 29th Floor. No ma’am. Do I score points for staying true to my convictions?
No first dates on any Friday or Saturday nights. The odds of the first date being as much fun as hanging out with friends is like 12 to 1. And I mean that for both myself and the date. No dates on Sunday either, the first reason being football season, and the second being Sunday is my day for myself. Plus you’re not going want to meet me for the first time when Sunday anxiety sets in. Also Thursdays during the NCAA Tournament, nights of major bowl games, important baseball and basketball games won’t work well either. I’ll just want to check my phone which is rude.
Firs dates should be limited to drinks only. This has nothing to do with being cheap and everything to do with limiting the duration of the date in case it is incredibly awkward or dull.
Before getting to know me on at least a middle name basis lets cut out any and all emoticons, emojis, emotissues, emotifaces, and whatever other mini photos can be sent.
Please don’t offer drugs on a first date. This is something that has actually happened. Textbook line crossing.
The goodbye is guaranteed to be awkward and uncomfortable. This is due to 30 years of being a weirdo. I apologize in advance.
Topics to avoid on a first date are pretty standard, politics, Guantanamo Bay, ex-boyfriends, etc.
It’s best if we go to a bar that doesn’t have any televisions in it. I can suffer from some ADD and I don’t want to be rude. I suffer from a condition that attracts my eyes to a television like a magnet. Most guys are afflicted with this condition.
If the topic comes up and you say you dislike hip hop, Real World Road Rules Challenge, cheese, or R. Kelly we can end the date almost immediately. It’s for the best, cause if you have a strong dislike for any of those things this isn’t going work out. Cab fare is on me of course.
Don’t feel the need to show up late for the date. I’m not going judge you for showing up on time and thinking you’re too eager. We’re in the same boat here.
If you want to pick the spot, that is totally fine by me. I’m happy to pay obviously. Just make sure it isn’t a club or country bar. Although if that is your taste we probably will never meet anyway.
Please laugh at some point during the date even if it is at your own joke or at my expense. 40 minutes of the Soup Nazi face isn’t very fun.
There’s going be no sort of hand holding on the first date. It’s for your benefit. I’m Italian therefore I sweat in just about any situation.
Please be prepared to answer the following questions;
What was your AOL screen name?
What was the first R-rated movie you saw?
What music video do you most associate with MTV?
Are you a more of a Teenage Dream person or a California Girl?